I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
