How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
We left the knife in your bed.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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