he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
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I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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