I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
