Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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