Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
