Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Randomize
