I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
