last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
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He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
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In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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