i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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