Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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