He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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