Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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