totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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