You don't have asthma, your pregnant
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
