The maid of honor just puked.
I wannas sexs uuuuu
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
