remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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