I looked at my own cervix.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
