My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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