I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
