i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
