omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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