the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
