Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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