I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
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She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
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He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
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