His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
