All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
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