ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
