That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
