Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
