I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Randomize
