I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
