I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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