If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams