last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
19 People Confess The Craziest Sex Act They’ve Ever Participated In
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY