so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.