i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
