Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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