I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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