Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Who died my cat blue again?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
