I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
