everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
