Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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