We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
BRING THE BAGELS
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Please don't give away my fajitas
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
