I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
