come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
