My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
