its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
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