so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
