Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
