She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
