hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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