Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
