I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
