turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
