exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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