I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
