So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
