You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
