Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
