i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
