I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
