And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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