she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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