On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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