I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
