yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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