I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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