Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
