We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
We're using joints as your birthday candles
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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