just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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