So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
