When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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