I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
