You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
